Sir William
by Arwen4eva
Summary: Three months on from the announcement of the King's death, Gwen's heartbreak continues. She does the inevitable of going through his possessions in the desk they shared but is greeted by something she had never expected... I DO NOT OWN MERLIN! One-shot.


**A/N: This is one of a few fanfics that I have had sitting around in one of my many notebooks that I am finally writing up! I believe I wrote this after watching (again!) episode 2 of series 2 - Arthur and Gwen's first kiss and the infamous Sir William. I still breaks my heart that Arthur died - so much so that I have only watched the last 2 episodes once because my heart cannot take it! :(**

 **I wrote this in an attempt to make me feel better after that horrible ending - similar to What If? - and it made me feel a bit better. I hope it makes you feel a bit better about it too :)**

 **Enjoy the story!**

 **Arwen4eva xxx**

Three months. That is how long it has been since the King's death had been announced. Since that day, Gwen has been in great pain. A void opened up and swallowed her whole, consuming her happy feelings and leaving an overwhelming feeling of emptiness.

It was only a few days ago that she tackled the task of going through the desk, seeing what relics Arthur may have left within. Gwen went through all of the drawers, apart from the upper left, with the help of Leon. They found some articles of drafted plans for improvements required in the lower town; a school, renovations for the forge and bakery, a bigger length for the daily market.

Gwen gave these to Leon to place in a pile on the bed. One was for the attention of the Knights in regards to training and schedules, another was for matters of state and the kingdom, the next to be disposed of and the final pile, for Gwen to keep for her eyes alone.

Gwen looks over from her place at the table and sees the two piles on the desk at the other side of the room.

 _'I do not want to, but I must go through that final drawer. Now is the time as no one will disturb me.'_ Gwen thinks, swallowing her small bite of bread. She looks down at her practically full breakfast plate and decides that she would rather go through the drawer. She pushes her chair away from the table and once standing, her hand goes to the key around her neck, hanging from a small length of silk.

Hesitantly, Gwen approaches the desk and her heart begins to beat faster. She undoes the knot at the back of her neck and holds the key in her shaking hand.

"I need to do this. I have to do this." she says to herself aloud.

She slides the key into the lock and turns it. She hears a click resonate from the drawer and extracts the metal, placing it back around her neck. Taking a deep breath, Gwen opens the drawer.

Inside are many small trinkets that belonged to Arthur. A few handkerchiefs given to him for luck in tournaments from Gwen over the years. A few scattered sprigs of lavender that were enclosed in letters from Gwen when she was away for a few days. A bracelet that belonged to Arthur's mother, found hidden in Uther's chambers when they were clearing it out.

Gwen removes the small piece of jewellery and remembers what Arthur had said when he first showed it to Gwen.

 _"I always thought of giving you everything that belonged to my mother, something she would have liked. But after seeing this, I decided something else for it. When we have a daughter, we will present this to her. A small treasure for a truly beautiful Princess."_

Tears sting Gwen's eyes and she quickly rubs them, brushing away the forming tears. She places the bracelet carefully on the desk and continues to look through the drawer. She notices his comb sitting beneath a few pieces of scrap parchment. Gwen picks it up and holds it for a moment, reminiscing on the memories of his hopelessness.

 _Hopelessly in love..._

Gwen shakes her head and places the comb beside the bracelet. She continues rummaging and comes across a folded piece of parchment with her name on it. Gwen looks at it with a frown and turns it over. A message has been placed on the back.

 _Read this, my love, if I have not returned alive from Camlann._

Gwen walks over to the bed and sits on Arthur's side. Her trembling hands break the wax seal stamped on the back and reads the words her husband left for her, noticing small smudges that suggest he was crying at some point whilst writing it.

 _My dear, beautiful Guinevere,_

 _If you are reading this note, I have regrettably abandoned in this world. It has never been, nor will ever be, my intention to leave you alone and I have broken my promise to protect you. I hope you are not angry with me but if you are, know that I would have tried my absolute hardest to return to you. But, that was evidently not hard enough._

 _I remember how I promised you many weeks ago that I would write you a decent piece of poetry as it is a good way to express feelings and because you love it so much. I am not good enough for that but I will do it anyway. It will be awful as I have re-done it many times. That is why I have been frustrated, sitting at our desk; I have been trying to write the poetry for you. I know that you will harbour a lot of grief over my death, but please try to live a long and happier life. It pains me, the idea of not being with you, but know that I am watching you from above and waiting for the day that we are reunited. We will be together again; do not lose faith in that._

 _Anyway, here goes nothing. I do apologise in advance for this..._

 _Guinevere. You have our Kingdom now, I know you will run it well,  
Please do not retreat into your shell.  
I know that you will find it difficult now I am gone,  
But know that you are more than worthy of the throne you sit upon.  
I know that we never had a child of our own,  
But please know, you are never alone.  
My beautiful and amazing wife,  
With you, I have had an amazing life.  
_ _My only regret is that I have failed you,  
But you can live on, you will get through.  
I love you so much, now and forever,  
_ _Do not forget that, instead remember._

 _For this, my last note, I have really gone out on a limb,  
_ _We will see each other again, my love,_

 _Yours forever,_

 _Sir William.  
_  
Gwen clutches the letter to her chest and she falls back, her head on Arthur's pillow. She breathes in his masculine scent and allow the tears to fall. However, these tears are not so tinged with desperation and grief, these tears are full of fragments of happiness.

Happiness of the times she had been blessed with in Arthur's company.

Happiness that he tried to write something that would make Gwen cry but laugh as well.

Happiness that he will remain to protect her, even in his absence.

Happiness that in her heart she knows one day, they will be reunited. Her and...

Her Sir William.

 **End note: Please review! :)**


End file.
